Nurtured Minds

How many times in your life have you changed the way you behaved, spoke, dressed, or shopped because of a comment from another person? “Stop fidgeting, you look awkward.” “You always talk about that, it’s boring.” “That colour is too bright on you!” “You furnished the room with items in the sale? Won’t it look tacky?” As a species, we naturally strive to “fit in” and seek approval from both our social circle and strangers. We want to be liked, and do things that are likeable. Unfortunately, there is no single definition of a likeable person. There are no carvings in ancient stone defining what is a likeable hairstyle, a likeable set of interests, or a likeable pattern for the kitchen tiles. We therefore unconsciously seek guidance on what is likeable from others, and regularly take criticisms to be factual truths. If one person shares the opinion that our ears "look big", we may immediately accept this comment as a fact, and spend the rest of our lives fashioning hairstyles to cover them. If someone questions our interest in a niche hobby, we may withdraw from it and come to label it as a foolish pastime. But opinions are not facts. This is a statement regularly explored at Nurtured Minds. Opinions can alter our entire lifestyles, our self-image, and self-esteem. But despite the power we give to them, opinions always say more about the beholder, than the subject. Opinions are forged by the beholder’s own life experiences, attitudes, and fears. Instead of describing reality, they often provide a glimpse into the beholder’s insecurities or fixations. Using the example above of a friend questioning the tackiness of sale furniture, the furniture does not immediately “become tacky” once this opinion is shared. The opinion does not become a fact. The furniture remains perfectly suited for the purchaser, but the beholder of the opinion potentially exposes: Jealousy – They wish they had found this bargain! Worry – Have they overspent on their own home? Insecurity – They thought they had to follow the latest trends to be considered “tasteful”. This concept can also be applied to very personal comments. Those who regularly share an opinion about our appearance, possibly expose a fixation with their own body image, as well as a lack of confidence to express individuality. Colleagues who are regularly critical of our performance in the work environment, expose a sense of inferiority and envy towards us that they are ashamed to express. It can be extremely liberating for patients to free themselves from the “facts” of opinions. It bolsters our self-confidence and strengthens our identity. Banishing the self-doubt caused by negative opinions furthermore appeases the part of us that strives to be likeable. Never forget too, that our own negative opinions (or our critical inner voice), are not factual. The parts of ourselves we do not like, are not perceived in the same way by others. Opinions are not facts. They do not have the power to change our reality, and we do not have to give it to them. Contact the practice today to learn how hypnotherapy can further strengthen your self-confidence and free you from the power of opinions.

61% of surveyed people in the UK admitted to having an uncommon phobia. Some phobias are so common and prevalent worldwide that it is believed they have evolutionary origins. A fear of heights for example may have protected our ancestors from falling. A fear of spiders or snakes alternatively would reduce the likelihood of our cave-dwelling relatives from being fatally poisoned. These fears may have been passed on genetically to our modern-day generations. But other phobias are harder to explain. Irrational fears may develop from unpleasant experiences, learned behaviours from caregivers, or seemingly spontaneously. Below are some examples of less common phobias: Lachanophobia: Fear of Vegetables Podophobia: Fear of Feet Globophobia: Fear of Balloons Somniphobia: Fear of Falling Asleep Xanthophobia: Fear of the Colour Yellow Koumpounophobia: Fear of Buttons Eisoptrophobia: Fear of Mirrors Athazagoraphobia: Fear of Forgetting Pogonophobia: Fear of Beards Thankfully, the hypnotherapeutic approach to phobia treatment is not affected by phobia rarity. Hypnodesensitisation therapy gradually exposes patients to virtual (hypnotic) experiences of their phobia object/situation, decreasing their fear response whilst enhancing feelings of confidence and control. Whether it’s flying on a plane, or holding a scary vegetable, Hypnodesensitisation can gently and safely liberate a patient from all fearful associations with their phobia. Typically, a patient will first interact with very mild aspects of their phobia under hypnosis, such as seeing a phobic object from across a large room. Whilst delivering suggestions of calm and control, the hypnotherapist will desensitise the patient to increasingly challenging phobia experiences, until the patient is perfectly content to face their "worst case scenario" in trance. These experiences teach the brain that it can cope with the phobia object/situation in the real world, and the phobia typically evaporates. Remarkably, Hypnodesensitisation can even be used to treat Hypnophobia: The fear of being hypnotised! If you have a phobia that is limiting your life, contact the practice here to discuss how Hypnodesensitisation can help you.

"When touched with a feeling of pain, the ordinary uninstructed person sorrows, grieves, and laments, beats his breast, becomes distraught. So he feels two pains, physical and mental. Just as if they were to shoot a man with an arrow and, right afterward, were to shoot him with another one, so that he would feel the pains of two arrows…” —the Buddha The parable of the two arrows is an ancient Buddhist teaching that helps us to identify and soothe our critical inner voice. When we have negative experiences of pain, shock, illness, stress, or failure, we have been shot with our first arrow. The discomfort can be sudden and intense. We can be unsure of what to do next, and no longer feel capable of performing at our usual best. But instead of taking a step back, resting, removing the arrow head and repairing the wound, we often take hold of our own bow… and shoot ourselves with a second arrow. The second arrow is forged out of the “Why wasn’t I good enough?”, “Why can’t I do better?”, “I am so stupid, useless, and bad at this!”, “I need to be better”, and “I just need to get over this!” The second arrow is a pain only we can give to ourselves. The second arrow is our critical inner voice urging us to improve ourselves, be better and do better. But this voice hurts us as much as our first arrow, and blocks the precious learning that takes place as we overcome our problems and recognise our natural strengths. Crucially, we must acknowledge the pain of the first arrow, and permit ourselves to heal from it, growing even stronger than we were before. Hypnotherapy can help many minds to put down their bows and focus on healing their wounds. As psychotherapists, we regularly utilise hypnotic suggestions to soothe the critical voice whilst enhancing self-esteem and self-care. We must all permit ourselves to heal when we are hurting. If you would like to learn how hypnotherapy can help you to put down the bow, please enquire here.

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